Peeves

  • People and their damn yogurt containers.
    Picture this grown man (or Wooo-man) sitting in their cubical in their suits trying to get that last little bit of yogurt out of their 50-cent plastic container. *ticka-ticka-ticka-ticka* I think you missed some, try using your fingers.

  • People who drag their feet when they walk.
    Scuff, scuff, scuff…pick up your feet you moron !

  • People who drive and don’t signal.
    Die !
    Are you turning? Going straight?
    Oh man, I could have gone there!
    I see you’re slowly moving into my lane and not warning me…
    Ohh, I’m so going to block you in there.

  • People who order a Big Mac or a Dirty Burger, fries and then a diet pop.
    Oh like that’s going to help you!

  • People who drink their can of Pepsi turn the tab around backwards and stick a straw through it.
    I only ever see large women do this while they drink their can of Pepsi for their breakfast.

  • Ugly people who bitch and growl about how other people are unattractive, and only like good looking people.
    Looowered Expectaaaationnnns….

  • People who smack their lips when they eat (eat with their mouth open).
    What, does making the smacking noise make your food taste better? Does more oxygen intake ignite the flavor system of that food I can now see inside of your gaping pie-hole? Be gone!

  • People who make generalizations ex. “All guys are pigs”, “All black guys play B-Ball”.
    LMB.

  • People who talk to themselves when it’s time to think.
    Please shut up. If you cannot count in your brain you don’t have one.

  • People who don’t wash their hands after using the washroom.
    You just wiped your ass, come on. Oooor you just finished touching your unit. Oh sure, you say you didn’t use your hands but if you can get away with doing that, there must not be a whole lot there if it can control itself.

  • People who lick their fingers to turn every friggin’ page.
    Books are dirty, you don’t know who was reading this thing (please see previous peeve). Would you lick a doorknob? Same thing.

  • What’s the deal with people and leftovers? People who refuse to eat leftovers no matter the dish or amount left.
    “Hmm, I think I’ll just throw this 1/2 eaten turkey away”. I summon 500 hungry Ethiopian kids to sit on your doorstep.

  • People who spit toothpaste all over the sink/tap.
    Please make the effort and bend your ass over and aim for the drain. just think, no mess – less cleaning.

  • People who smoke around kids.
    Die.

  • People who smoke in their car with the windows up with passengers that do not smoke.
    Die !

  • Hell…just people who smoke.
    You are GOING to die.

  • People who drop cigarette butts out of their car window when they’re driving in front of you.
    They land like little exploading bombs and barely miss your car. If you ever throw a lit cigarette at me or my car….grrrrrr.

  • Doorbells the do not work.
    Why do you have me come to your house and your doorbell doesn’t even work? What am I supposed to do now? Go home? I knocked but you must be in the basement ! What the hell?!?

  • People who pull out in front of you on the road and are traveling 1/2 the speed you are.
    This is a classic example of…DIE !

  • People who stomp around their apartment when you live underneath them.
    Ok Mr. Heavyfoot, is there any need why you have to stomp around like you’re 300 pounds? You’re a 110 pound old man, what are you wearing on your feet Dutch wooden clogs?

  • People who slam everything.
    Why do you let the toilet seat drop down? how much effort does it take to guide it down gently the other 1/2 way? It’s not hard when you get used to it. It’s like a routine effortless movement. Same thing with cupboard doors, bedroom doors, closet doors…you’re just a moron.

  • I hate it when girls say “I’m soooo fat.”, or “Ok, but I look like sh*t.”
    No one wants to hear that! People like those who are confident.

  • People who park too close to your car in a parking lot.
    I come out and their driver side door is about 5 inches away from my passenger door. There’s no way he could have gotten out of his car without hitting my car – there’s just no way. For those people who put those dents in my car doors – if I find you I WILL stab your tires.

  • Shower curtain magnets that do not stick.
    What’s going on? I can’t seem to find a shower curtain that actually sticks to the tub. I’m having this nice shower and suddenly this cold shower curtain rudely invades my personal space. There are 3-4 magnets on the bottom of this thing, why are none of them doing their job?

  • People who tell you what you do or don’t like.
    “Oh you probably won’t like this…” or “I know you probably don’t want to do this but…”
    Who the bloody blue hell are you to tell me what I probably will or won’t like? I’ll tell you if I don’t like something. Why don’t you just ask me before making your mind up for me?

  • The dish drying rack is NOT your new cupboard.
    Put them away now, those things take up too much counter space. Why aren’t they put away afterwards?

  • People who spaz up their communication with unnecessary words.
    Albeit ? Why don’t you say although like normal people? Try and communicate your thoughts as quickly and effectively as you can. Time is often money, miscommunication can cost more money. If you were my employee I’d fire you.

  • Closing doors without turning the knob.
    Doesn’t the door mechanism thing’s sound annoy you when it springs into place after pushing the door closed with your lazy hand? Like the springy door stopper’s Thwaaaaaaannnggg sound, it annoys me.

  • Manholes.
    Why are they staggered all over the place? Why can’t they be all in the same position on the road so you don’t have to weave around to avoid hitting them like some sick game of Frogger®?

  • Knee-braces.
    People who wear knee braces that probably don’t need to.
    You see them everywhere. Usually it’s higher income professionals who like to join as many teams as possible to make them feel good about themselves but rarely show up. They put on these accessories and body decorations when they don’t have anything wrong with their limbs at all.
    If your cartilage is so bad you can’t walk around then fine put it on, don’t slap them on and pretend to be a big gimp.

  • Cordless phones.
    Why do they beep when the buttons are pressed?
    No other phones in the house beep when you press buttons. You have the ear piece that beep, why do you have to have a speaker on it that makes beeps for every button you press? It’s really annoying.

  • Slow turnoffs.
    I hate it when you’re on the highway or a busy street and there’s a whole train of cars and one person decides to make a turnoff. They slow down to a stop and then when everyone’s fuming they turn. They could do it a little quicker. I love those people who use the shoulder of the road and the passing opposing lane for their slowing.

  • Pens.
    They never work. I use mechanical pencils.

  • Bleach when doing the wash.
    If you share a washing machine and you use bleach to do your clothes you better make damn sure you don’t spill it and leave it anywhere. The next person who piles their clothes on top of the washer will wreck their clothes. I hate you.

  • People who talk on their cell phones while you’re having dinner with them.
    It’s like I’m having dinner with myself, what’s the point? If I’m buying you dinner as a special occasion at least make an effort to not look like you’d rather be somewhere else. Don’t even answer your phone, or if you do say you’re in the middle of dinnner with someone and you’ll call them back. You know what’s nice, when someone asks why you didn’t answer your phone and then you say “I’m in the middle of dinner, I’ll call them back, I have call display”. I want my evening back.

  • People who use other people’s black t-shirts as coffee cup coasters.

  • When you write something on paper, go to underline it and your aim is off. You end up crossing out the whole thing in the middle making it unreadable.

  • When people change the bag in the garbage but don’t replace the bad. I go to drop a banana peel in and notice it’s a plastic can.

  • I roll up my pants a bit in the winter to keep the leg from dragging in the slush giving you a nice white ring on the bottom. My peeve is that your pant leg is still too long. It doesn’t roll back down, it’s just still too long as if your pants grew in length or your just shrunk. For fun I like to roll up my pant leg half way up my leg and see what happens. I can even staple it up to proove it’s not unrolling itself but it still drags.

  • I hate it when you take a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup from the brown paper thing and the center on the bottom sticks to the paper and rips the chocolate off. What is that, the peanut butter oil soaking through?

  • I dislike lawnmowers that won’t start. Especially when you buy a new one to replace the existing crappy one that won’t start only to discover you’re cursed.

  • Comments are closed.